Watch out for the toilet paper dispenser!

Disclaimer – you might just get more information here than you want.  When a court reporter shows up for a deposition, they usually don’t have a clue what they are going to hear.  Sometimes we know we’re taking an expert or the plaintiff, but it’s usually a mystery assignment.  So the day I show up and know the deponent, it starts off a little uncomfortable.  I used to hate being the court reporter in divorce court, as you’d sometimes know the people or see them later in the store, and you knew WAY MORE than you wanted to about what went on behind their closed doors.
 
And this deposition begins normally, asking the plaintiff what she had done that day.  The suit was against a department store, so I figured it was about a slip and fall or perhaps a wrongful shoplifting accusation or something like that.  So the attorney begins asking the witness to tell her story of what she’d done that day before she went to the store, and we go down that path.  He then segues into, “So at some point while at the store, did you need to use the restroom?”  Yes, she did.  So she and her companions go into the restroom, and it was then that the questions began to get weird – I mean, really way out there.  “So which stall did you choose to go into?”  “Why did you choose that particular stall?”  “Did you have purchases that you took into the stall?”  “Did you take your purse?”  “Did they have a hook on the door for you to hang your purse, or did you have to hold it on your lap while using the restroom?”  “If you held it on your lap, was it on the right or left side?”  “Was it mainly resting on your knees then?”  “Was your purse large or small?”  “How much did it weigh?”
 
I’m beginning to really wonder about this.  I mean, where could this possibly be leading?  What possible scenario of a case would need to know whether this woman hung her purse on the door or not or what side of her lap/legs it was sitting?  It continues.  “Did you actually use the restroom?”  “Did you sit on the toilet, or did you kind of squat over the commode?”  “Did you lean on the side of the stall to balance yourself if you didn’t sit down?”  “Did they have those little paper things that you can lay on the toilet seat?”  “Did you use it?”  I’m trying not to be bug-eyed, but this attorney is one of the most smooth, suave guys I have ever known, and I just cannot imagine where he’s going with this.  I truly am wondering if the next question was going to be, “So did you need to use number one or number two?”  Thank God, we didn’t get to that, but we did continue on down the line of, “And when you were finished, did you wipe?”  I mean, truly, this actually happened!  This is making no sense to me whatsoever. 
 
The witness then says, “Yes, I was getting ready to wipe, but I hadn’t reached for the toilet paper yet, and that’s when it happened.”  FINALLY we get to what in the world we are there for!  She goes on to describe that as she sat on the toilet, the toilet paper dispenser on the right-hand wall jumped off the wall and flew across the stall, landing on her left foot.  Yup, she didn’t touch it – it just flew off and went a foot or so to the left rather than falling straight down.  And she ended up not really realizing she was hurt until two weeks later when she got an x-ray of her foot and it had a hairline fracture and realized it must have been from this department store incident.
 
I had told my mom and sister the story, and now every time we are together in a large bathroom, each of us in a stall, I’ll usually say, “Watch out for the toilet paper!”  We’ll all die laughing, and when we come out, the other people in the bathroom are usually keeping their heads down like, “Don’t even look at those idiots – what in the world!”  It has gotten funnier over the years, I must say.  And you’re wondering how in the world I’m going to twist this around into something spiritual…
As I remembered these questions and the absolute randomness of them, the crazy nature of the subject matter, discussing things that SHOULD NOT BE discussed, it made me think that there is some day that we will all answer for the things we do in secret.  In the Bible, Jesus would even say that if you had a thought in your mind of lust toward another, you were committing adultery in your heart.  This is proof that God not only knows what we do, but what we think, and surely what we do in secret.  I was embarrassed for my acquaintance, I was embarrassed to hear these details of whether she sat or squatted or leaned against the wall of the stall to use the restroom, but how awful is it going to be some day when we have to answer for even the thoughts that go through our mind?  Thank you, Lord, for the forgiveness and peace you offer – that there is no fear of what might come out on judgment day, because it’s all been forgiven and forgotten!