I’m at the beach doing renovations and relaxing a bit and decided to run a get a haircut. My hair is pretty easy, so I don’t usually stress over who cuts it. At home, I go to Fantastic Sam’s as I love their ability to walk in and not have an appointment, and the girls there always do a good job. So I go to the Walmart Style Salon right down the street. I tell the girl I just need a trim of what I have, and my only request is that she cut my bangs jagged rather than that “third grade bowl cut.” We both laughed, and she says, “No bowl cut – got it.”
She trims and trims, and looks like she’s doing a good job. Then she spins me around to where I can’t see and begins snipping on my bangs. When the job was done, she turns me back to the mirror – YIKES – third grade bowl cut, here I am! My whole head is layered and just like normal, but the bangs are a straight-across weird line that made me look like I had a bronze Roman soldier helmet on! I nicely said I wondered if she could kind of notch the bangs a bit so they didn’t look so straight. Sure, she could. Spins me back around, snip, snip, snip, and when I met the mirror again, I almost gasped. Now I not only have the helmet/bowl cut, but I have bangs that are a good inch and a half above my eyebrows. My forehead hasn’t been exposed like this for 45 years!
Oh my. I guess the good news is that I am busy painting and not going out a lot, and when I do go out, no one knows me, so I have time to grow it back. At the beach, you can wear a visor full-time and no one notices – good thing! How I’ll ever catch those bangs up to the rest of my head, who knows. This made me think about expectations and certainly not getting what you expected to get. Mother’s Day is a wonderful day for some, a horrible day for others, and many times, a day of missed expectations and disappointment.
I spent several years when my children were teenagers disappointed about how they handled Mother’s Day. Oh, they got me a card and said “Happy Mother’s Day,” but I realized that what I had not done as a parent was teach my children to honor me. I had taught them to honor others, to honor teachers and grandparents and neighbors, but I had never let them know that I had needs myself. I always would sacrifice and say, “Oh, it’s fine, I don’t need anything,” but then as they went about their day thinking I was good, inside I was disappointed and hurt that they didn’t make any effort on my behalf. It took me several years and a few hard conversations to realize that it was my fault that I had not let them know that there are times you honor a mother whether she says she needs you to or not. They got the message and now honor me more than I deserve.
One of the best things my mother taught me is that “It’s not about you.” My mother is the most giving, loving, generous woman I have ever known, and she too is the “I don’t need anything” type. She looks for those who have needs, and she meets those needs, expecting nothing in return. I would encourage you this weekend, if Mother’s Day is hard because you are away from your children, or you have no children, or your mother is gone and you feel depressed, lonely, unappreciated, go look for someone you can honor. Whether it’s just a personal visit, a card, a small gift, just find someone to say “I care about you and wanted you to know.” You will make their weekend, and you will realize the blessing of doing for others rather than focusing on your situation. And when you make your expectation one of you giving rather than receiving, you are sure to not be disappointed!
My name is Teresa Evans. I am a wife to Tom, a retired Circuit Judge, and I am a court reporter by trade, a mother by God's grace and a lover of Jesus Christ. I've grown up in a family blessed with many miracles, and have received multiple miracles myself.